I am awful at dating as a single mom. There I said it, can we move on now? Can it just be like a Disney movie where I fall asleep and someone just shows up? I’d even lose one of my favorite shoes for a good man. Dating when you’re younger is easy, and mostly fun. Fast forward 9 years, a divorce and two kids later and this momma is lost! Differences between my expectations and the reality of actually dating became clear very fast.
Getting Back Out There, Again.
When I was really ready to date again I (along with my girl squad), got excited about all the possibilities for me. There would be great men out there who understood my situation and who knew how to be chivalrous. There would be men with manners and past the age of any games to be played, with the exception of ones with their kids. Starting with an app (or 2), I got to swiping. I thought it would be my own version of The Bachelorette, just without Chris Harrison introducing us. I was positive, I had excitement, I was WRONG.
Why Did I Go on a Dating Hiatus?
My “dating life” hasn’t been going on a full year and I went on a hiatus. Why? I went on dates with men that make people laugh because they’re so embarrassing. Ones that went horrible enough to put me on a break from dating, for the entire summer and beyond. It’s not that my standards are ridiculously high, in fact as a woman who has children, your standards should be pretty high. I want honesty, humor, things in common, a man who has an incredible set of values and moral standards and has his life together. What I am finding are the lions in sheep’s clothing, the cheaters, the “clearly this man is single, never married and no kids for a reason,” the liars, and the plain awful.
The Girl Squad and I luckily can laugh at these men and situations, and we nickname every man I talk to before there is even a possibility of a date. (The nicknames are my favorite part) There’s been Macklemore (minus the rapping skills), B-Dubs, Coffee (simple, if you own a company that makes it–that’s your name), Monty, Petrovsky (Sex and the City fans?), Navy, BS (censored that one), and Team Beard, just to name a few.
All the men have different stories and personalities, and at one point I thought, all brought something to the table. That table has become one I no longer want to sit at. There have been dates where I paid for the entire dinner bill. I’ve had “ghosting” (where you just stop talking/texting someone with no reason or warning), and I’ve done the ghosting. There once was a date with a man who told me things you should only talk about in therapy. I’ve admittedly, fallen too fast for the wrong one that swept me off my feet. The stories don’t stop there but, for now, I will.
Stay in Time Out or Party On Wayne?
Trust me, I’m not losing hope that my great love is out there. I took the dating hiatus because I needed a break from the type of man who shows up in a Ren and Stimpy t-shirt for a first date. I’m in an amazing place of enjoying new opportunities and friendships. And, I’m finally feeling like I am getting into full swing as a single mom. Truthfully, I don’t want anyone who isn’t going to bring joy to my beautiful life. I think you meet these men so the soul mate will be obvious. Really great people always find a way to stand out. Then there’s always the aspect of your friends harassing you later on in life with “remember that one guy” type stories. Where does that land me now? Do I stay on hiatus because it’s just too crazy out there? Should I call Patti Stanger and see if she can get me on the Millionaire Matchmaker? I don’t know. The path to being a Disney princess seems easy, dating as a single momma is not. Hiatus or not, I stand with my heart open and honest, refusing to settle for anything less than butterflies.
“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies”- Carrie “Sex and the City”