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Finding Happiness After a Divorce

Don’t tell anyone . . . but . . . I’m happier now that I am divorced. Yes, I am more anxious and more susceptible to LARGE amounts of ‘mom guilt.’ I am more likely to chug cups of coffee and look for a nice drink once the kids are in bed. And I am definitely more exhausted. Happiness, though, is at the top of that list.

Allie and Kids

I did not WANT to be a 33-year-old, divorced, mom of two girls. In fact, I fought against this title more than anyone I can imagine. I am also the cliché/statistic — children of divorce are more likely to get divorced themselves. I’m not a fan of a stereotype or a cliché. I found myself here almost a year ago and I am still in the trenches of what my next phase is, but I find myself happier not trying to be someone I wasn’t and being the person I am.

I don’t know what I am doing some days, and truly, there have been some I wanted to stay in bed and cry and hide from the outside world. But, I’m a mom and there is no time for that when two, tiny humans need me to be their constant, their stability, their full attention, and a one woman show.

Allie and Kids Disney World

I started over in so many ways, and the hardest was moving and only knowing 4 people here (2 of those being my parents). I left behind friends, being president of a MOMS Club, the white picket fence house, the dream of being the nuclear family who has been married for 75 years, and the stability of all of it — for the relief to be happy. I was happy to an extent and it wasn’t always hard, it just got too hard to keep up the fake. It got too hard to ignore the signs that I was NOT supposed to be married to this person, and that this was not what I wanted for a marriage or to show my girls that this is what they should settle for.

No one saw it coming, most don’t know what happened or why, and you know what? That’s okay. In the few months since, I have learned more than ever to say “NO” to things, to be okay with peoples unwarranted judgment and to not judge others the way I may have previously. And, oh yeah dating. Dating is honestly the most ridiculous, best and worst, and humorous thing I am currently attempting with my life.

In no way, do I advocate that divorce is the best thing ever. In fact, I tell everyone that will listen, do what’s best for you, for your family and know that you have tried everything. I didn’t want to ever have to look my girls in the eye and not feel confident about my decision and not feel like I did my best. I DID do my best. My hope is that I do find my happily ever after because I never lost the hopeless romantic. Sometimes she’s in hiding but she’s always there. Right now, my happily ever after is living back in my “happy place,” with two amazing children, a revived faith in God, very supportive friends and family, an excellent co-parenting relationship with my ex-husband, and a glass of champagne to toast to myself. 

Happiness comes in different ways, and each day I attempt to find out what specifically makes me happy. There is always something to be thankful for. Being strong enough to find my own happiness is an exceptionally, amazing thing—if I do say so myself.

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8 Responses to Finding Happiness After a Divorce

  1. Sue Raymond August 9, 2017 at 4:51 pm #

    Allie that is a wonderful article. Not sure if you remember me, but I bet your Dad and Mom couldn’t be prouder. So happy Meg shared this it’s nice to know you are doing well and your girls are just beautiful. Praying that you continue to do well with all you do in your life.

    God Bless

    Sue Raymond

  2. Breanne August 9, 2017 at 6:16 pm #

    Allie – You’re one of the only people I know (virtually or IRL) that is in a similar stage of life as me. Your humor and outlook on things brightens my day. Great article! Thanks for sharing.

  3. Maria P August 9, 2017 at 8:38 pm #

    Have you heard of the book, Primal Loss: The Now Adult Children of Divorce Speak by Leila Miller?

    I’ve been reading it and boy, can I relate!!!!

    I understand that marriage is super, duper, trooper hard. I really do. I understand what it feels like to be disappointed and sad year after year.

    But I’m an adult survivor of childhood divorce and for the sake of my kids – because I was fully aware of what it felt like to be a child who had(s) parents who divorced, I’ve stuck it out. I’m not saying that to toot my own own, but to let you know that if you felt that way, you are not alone in the trenches and to encourage you to think differently about divorce.

    I won’t push this issue. I’m not looking to argue with you. I’m hoping that this comes as a way to help you and your precious, precious children.

    God bless you.

  4. Matthew August 9, 2017 at 8:46 pm #

    We love you!!!!

  5. Neighbor August 11, 2017 at 8:46 am #

    I love this ❤️

  6. C_Robson August 12, 2017 at 8:03 am #

    Allie – You have a beautiful story and blog. I’ve been there, 17 years ago. Divorce is far more courageous than people realize, especially when you are swimming up stream in a fast moving current. We love ❤️ you to pieces and I can’t wait to see you. 💋💙💕. Hugs to you & your beautiful girls! ~ Colleen Ruth Murray 😘

  7. Limarie Lewis August 15, 2017 at 12:32 pm #

    Allie, you have always been so special near and dear to my heart for personal reasons. You are an incredible person and an amazing mom and pretty dope makeup artist too! Today I can say you have inspired me to start writing back on my blog, writing really is like therapy and I truly enjoyed this blog post sharing the real side of what restarting your life looks like whether it is by facing your fears, hurts or finding your motivation and inspiration through sunshine, renewed faith your children and of course the beach 😉 I love your snaps they always make me smile and your girls are so beautiful just like you! Peace and many blessings, I am always here just like inside I know you are for me to and will never forget your kindness!

  8. Kit Kat August 18, 2017 at 10:18 am #

    A great article, and GOOD for you!! I applaud your choice to be happy. I can totally relate, because I was unhappy for many years, trying to “stick it out” for the ultimate goal of staying married, and growing old together etc. After many years of hurt and disappointment, the divorce came anyways. And trust me, its hard whenever it happens. Financially crushing at any stage, and alot of work when kids are little, but being older, with grown kids has its disadvantages too. Its very very hard to meet anyone, and to start over shall we say – when you are middle aged. Meeting people is so much easier when your kids are little. I was the mom who gave every bit of me to my kids and saved nothing for myself. Looking back, I wish I would have taken just a smidge of time for me, but happy for the way all my kids have turned out do to unselfish parenting too. I wish you all the happiness in finding your “forever after”.