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Making Friends at 40

Friends

I turn 40 this month. Now, I won’t bore you with an entire blog devoted to how I am feeling about this. Let’s just say–I might be in complete denial and wondering how in the hell this can even be possible. And like most people do when approaching a major milestone, I have been doing a lot of reflecting upon my life thus far. Especially about the friendships I have made along the way–the friendships I still have and the friendships I have lost.

As females, we are born with an uncontrollable need and desire for friendship. I think it is part of our DNA. We basically come out of the womb searching for our very own circle of kindred spirits that would put Taylor Swift’s squad to shame. We all want people in our lives who we feel comfortable with, connected to, who we can trust with our deepest, darkest secrets, who we can share our thoughts and feelings openly with, and who we can truly be ourselves with.

I am lucky to have had some pretty amazing and long lasting friendships. Some of my dearest friends I have known for 30+ years. There is something quite special about relationships with people who have known you almost your entire life. Those few, extraordinary people are my lifeline. The ones who have and, fingers crossed, will always be there.

Friendships don’t always last forever, though. I’ve lost quite a few friends over the years, all for different reasons. Some have been simply a matter of drifting apart–life happens, people change and unfortunately the relationship just waned. I’ve had friends move away, I lost friends when I got divorced, I found out some friends were just bat sh*t crazy & toxic, I’ve had friends pass away, and I’ve had friends break my heart. Some of those people I think about on occasion and remember very fondly. Then there are the ones that did not end so pleasantly. The ones I still mourn the loss of. The ones that just devastated me.

So now that I’m entering this new decade, how does one in my position go about making new friends? It was so easy when I was a little kid. I mean at 6, all I had to do when I was in a new environment with other kids was find some other lonely soul and say “Hey, wanna play?” and instantly I had a new bestie. Or at 10, giving someone the other half of the coveted “BFF Forever” heart pendant from Claire’s was the quickest way to make a friend that hopefully lasted more than a week.

As a mom and wife at my age, it’s not that easy anymore. With four kids, I basically go to only a few places regularly–their schools, their extracurricular activities, Publix, and Target. I barely have time to shower daily, much less have an active social life.

Since making new friends is basically the same as dating, I wish there were a dating site for moms. That would eliminate the awful and awkward “first date” feeling or the “getting to know you” phase. You know how it goes, you are at a school event with a gazillion other moms, and you start chatting away with one. The conversation is going great. You are laughing and joking. You think to yourself, “She seems nice, chill and laid back. Maybe I’ll ask her to meet for coffee or drinks.” Only to discover after that “first date” that you were SO wrong. That the only thing you have in common with this person is the fact that you are both females and that you both have children.

Maybe it’s because I am getting older (man, I hate saying that), but I just don’t have the time, energy or desire for that. Maybe there is a dating site for moms out there already, and I just am not aware of it. If so, here is what my profile would say…

I just want to meet some cool ass moms. Moms that are real and honest. Moms that won’t be offended if I drop the occasional F-bomb, ones who will admit that there are days where they really don’t like their kids, moms who will understand that on the days where I literally have 10 minutes to myself, that I would rather play Candy Crush in silence instead of chatting on the phone, and of course moms who can’t wait for their kids to go to bed at night, so they can sit down with a glass of wine (or 3) and finally relax.

If anyone is interested, let me know. I just might give you the other half of my “BFF Forever” pendant.

 

 

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2 Responses to Making Friends at 40

  1. Gayle Damus May 23, 2016 at 7:33 am #

    I love Sarah Castleman♡

  2. Kristy May 24, 2016 at 3:35 pm #

    I swear you must have been evesdropping in a conversation I just had with my aunt. Why does it have to be so challenging to make friends the older we get?!? The part about not always liking your child and wanting 10 minutes to yourself for Candy Crush, was my day exactly yesterday. Thank you for putting in to print what many moms have to be experiencing and thinking. At last!!! I’m not the only one! There are others who feel this exactly way!