Some days, I look in the mirror and automatically think “Ugh I look rough… a hot mess!” but then I take another look and think, “No, I’m actually completely in style!” Here’s my rationale for this:
Seriously, all of the fashion bloggers are competing to have the best messy braid. They are even putting in extensions in order to help achieve the look. How to make a messy braid? Simply put your hair in a braid, and in 5 minutes, your baby will tug on it until it is perfectly tussled. Not only are these frayed braids on trend, but so are messy buns. My messy buns are more like a floppy furry animal on top of my head that is not even the same color as the rest of my head (is it considered an ombre if you just haven’t highlighted your hair in 5 months?), but I have some mommy friends who can really rock a great top knot. My other favorite look is “beach hair.” Granted, I haven’t been in any salt water since last August, but that doesn’t mean I don’t look like a boho goddess. …What’s that? Spit-up in my hair? Haha no…that’s…um, more hair product for “scrunching” my hair!
I am so grateful that off-the-shoulder blouses are so in style right now. I’ve bought several of them because the only things currently allowed to hang in my closet are things that allow for quick access to The Milk. Plus, these off-the-shoulder blouses are usually very flowy and so you don’t have to suck in! Besides the Victorian period, low-cut V-neck shirts and dresses have never been out of style, and the best asset of Mommyhood for many of us is our new-found amazing cleavage. I’ve wanted boobs my whole life, and now that I finally have them, I can flaunt them for a reason. My baby needs milk and I don’t have time for fancy snapping-folding nursing outfits. So all the low-cut stuff from my college days are now back in the front of the closet! Even if you’re not nursing, you’ll probably love these styles of tops.
We are so lucky that we live in an age where high-waisted pants have actually come back in style. I feel really sorry for the Moms who had to go through the hip-hugger era. While I’ve almost shrunk back to my pre-pregnancy weight, my stomach has not caught up, and I most definitely have a purple tiger-striped pudgy kangaroo pouch under my belly button right now. But not to worry! I’m totally in style in all of my high-waisted jeans and shorts! Let’s just accentuate the waist and stuff all the rest down in there…
Flip Flops and Ballet Flats:
While flip flops may not be on-trend for the rest of the country, I live in Florida and therefore flip flops are always in style—even in the winter. This is wonderful news for me because my feet have grown an unidentified amount since pregnancy. My best friend is about to inherit a closet full of fabulous heels because it doesn’t look like I’ll ever get my arches back. Also: I have zero time for shoes. I have a baby on my hip at all times and am going a hundred miles per hour, even putting on sandals with a buckle or zipper is too much. Flip flops require no bending over or sitting, so they are a winner! If you’re a Florida mom, don’t worry—you are totally stylin’. For everyone else, rock those ballet flats!
For the same reason I’m celebrating my Mom-Jeans, I also just bought several pairs of high-waisted bikini bottoms, to tuck and hide my pooch. But these actually are super trendy right now, so I’ll take advantage of still getting to wear a bikini this summer, as opposed to the mommy-one-pieces with the weird ruffles around the hips.
Okay, okay, I don’t actually wear scarves. All the bloggers have these amazing poofs of material around their necks, and so I pretend that my burp cloth is a scarf. I have one in nearly every color, so I do at least coordinate my spit-up rags with my outfit. That counts as a scarf, right?
Long necklaces are totally in, especially when layered with a few shorter pieces. We’re moms, so real jewelry is out of the question for a few years. But teething jewelry is actually stylish right now, believe it or not. I’m watching baby boutiques on Instagram battle it out on who has the most trendy silicone beads to offer. I’ve gotten a chuckle at playdates recently as I noticed every single mom had a long silicone bead necklace around her neck, and how each of us had picked out colors and styles that perfectly complimented our own personalities. (Mom Tip: Buy the beads wholesale online and make the necklace yourself. You’ll save a small fortune and it will be customized!).
The ‘Natural’ Look:
Young girls are actually putting temporary tattoos of freckles on their faces. I kid you not. They are going to great lengths to look like they are fresh-faced and sun-kissed. So this means you can just skip the freckle-hiding makeup and bare your natural face! We have the “mom glow,” right? So we can skip the highlighter and move on with our beautiful selves!
Thank you, Cara Delevingne, for making bushy eyebrows A Thing. We moms have no time to do eyebrow maintenance, so we are now at natural model-status. Brow game strong.
Lularoe, yoga pants, leggings…some variation of stretchy pants that derived from active-wear is what everyone is wearing—especially moms. And if you’re like me, you’re still wearing the maternity yoga pants because they are literally the most comfortable piece of clothing on the planet.
Everyone is still hauling massive purses around, which is great for us moms who have to lug “diaper bags” around. It may look like a nice leather purse, but it is actually a Mary Poppins bag with literally everything in the nursery inside. Need a crib? I think I have a crib in here…hold on one second…
Those modern-cat-eye glasses are still on every fashion blogger’s face. They’ve had a good two-year run so far, which means there are now inexpensive versions for sale. Just grab the ones from the gas station because you know they’ll be broken in half next month. But as long as you have a pair, no one will know you have circles under your eyes from not sleeping for a year. You’ll be oh-so-chic!
So you were too tired to pay attention to what you paired together? Stripes with florals? Polka dots with color blocking? No worries! Just pretend you’re in a wild Vogue magazine editorial and you’ll feel like a trendsetter! Mixing patterns is completely couture.
So, you see? All the young fashion bloggers are actually trying to look like us! And even these young scrawny things don’t have the best accessory there is…
The Best Accessory:
A cute baby!